You Have To Appreciate This

A seven minute video complete with actors. For a home.

This is how they do things in… Bel-Air. (Which I just found out is in LA. I’m no geography whiz.) I still don’t know what the fuck Bel-Air is. Except for where Will Smith sometimes goes to see his fam.

I live for this shit.

No I’m not being sarcastic; I’m being real.

(I actually haven’t watched the whole film; I’m about to now. I like this fucking song!!!)

“massage studio/wellness spa”- Yes.

“85-foot glass tile infinity swimming pool, 40-seat 4K Dolby Atmos Theater, 4 lane bowling alley/lounge”- Yes.

“outdoor pop-up theater, 2 fully-stocked champagne/wine cellars, massive candy wall, the most advanced home tech system in the world”- OH HELLL TO THE MOTHAFUCKIN YESSS ON THE CANDY WALL. I SAW THAT SHIT AND IT ALMOST CONVINCED ME TO WANT TO BUY IT. And all that other shit’s cool too.

But for real I want that mother elfin wall of candy, foo!

“auto gallery w/cars worth more than $30mm, 7-person full time staff, over 100 curated art installations” okay, now this shit with me would never fly.

This is… over-curation.

(In my humble but always right opinion).

Firstly… the idea of seven people working for me ANY amount of time, just feels weird, but the fact that they COME WITH IT (???). I don’t even really know how to put into words, except I thought that kind of thing got abolished.


Wouldn’t you want to collect YOUR OWN auto gallery? Like, isn’t that the point?

“Worth $30M” awesome. That’s great. But wouldn’t you rather spend YOUR OWN $30M picking things out?

When it comes with it installed… I don’t know, for me, that’s taking away all the thrill of the chase.

I’m not doing these in order.

And same with art! Like. Dude.



BUY A $250,000,000 HOME. THAT’S COOL!



Now this is only for me– but this is literally all the money in the world aside– because money is great and I’m always in favor of that.

I’m just saying, it’s kind of amazing to me when you buy a house when ALL THE COLLECTING IS ALREADY DONE FOR YOU.

Like, the person who designed this mother fucking thing should just live in it, then! For real! It’s like, “Here is what I PERSONALLY LIKE. Here’s a house I’ve already essentially lived in and left all my shit, now you take it.”

Anyway. Whoever gets it, I think it’s cool.

I like the jets in the pool, the catamaran storage unit, the clean geometric lines, the grass on the roof, the surf movie they have playing in the bowling alley, candy ❤ swoon, the video playing behind the bar of the ocean (more surfing), the bubbles coming out of the girl’s nose (I’m not being sarcastic), I like the chairs in the pool, the helicopter on top of the roof, I LOVE whatever the fuck movie they keep having playing all over the home; if I could watch that outside by the pool, I would watch that all day, I like the real gator who’s paid to stand still on top of the grass roof, I like the second pool way up high, I like the fact that the house is nice enough to come with actors who will live in the home and show you around and show you how to live inside of your own home, and synchronistically swim (this is the secret to a good marriage), I DO think it’s cool that this house comes with James Franco. And penguins.

It looks cool at night.

Ultimately, I feel like this house is for someone who wants to save money by never having to go out.

You’ve got to give credit to anyone who wants to undertake that enormous home.

There’s a lot of aspects of it that I like. It’s genuinely too big for me, but I think that if you had a certain kind of lifestyle, then it would be an awesome party house and you could just have people over ALL THE TIME and host the best entertainment nights and it could be really incredibly cool.

I guess what I am saying is that I imagine anyone who actually has any level of creativity and taste probably wants to buy a home that isn’t fully pre-planned out.

(Don’t you at least want to hire your own staff?) I mean for me, that would be like, the last thing in the world I ever wanted to do but. I find the idea of having staff really fucking completely weird, but to each their own, truly.

But I for sure would want to go shopping for and pick out my own cars and go shopping for and pick out my own art.

It’s already enough for me when places come turn-key, and that’s just with the furniture.

But that is just me. And that is just my idea. I could be totally and completely wrong.

It’s a cool video, so check it out and see what you think. 🙂

**Any opinions expressed in this interview (with me, given to me by me) are solely my own, and do not reflect those of Hilton and Hyland, although they should, because my opinions are always correct and impeccably achieved through high level mental work, spiritual intuition, and scientific achievement of the finest degree.


I love this shot.


The fact that they have good enough taste to put surfing on this screen wins points with me.


I love anything that visually does away with walls. And the orange and blues. Plus the metallic sheen and glass. Nice elements here.


^^^^Need I say more?^^^^ (But I will.)


YAAAAA wellness.


I have a tactile fascination with velvet ropes.


I ADORE this because of the water.

It’s funny after I just wrote a post on curation, then I write this one, and in this listing they use the word “curation” or “curated” like 5,000 times. The thing for me is, the people out there are fucking brilliant let me just say. I’m sure they have IMPECCABLE taste and I know they have IMPECCABLE talent and skill beyond measure. For me, I just don’t want my whole fucking house and life planned out already before I even move in. For me, the fun of a house is that you move in and it’s kind of EMPTY and you fill it with things from your life as you move along. That is all. But I think this is masterpiece of incredible vision, talent, execution, imagination and skill.

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