But. Firstly, I’m sitting in my newly painted chair and it’s amazing– I don’t know why all of a sudden painting did this, but I never sat in it before. And now I’m just in love with it and I’m actually getting “work” done in it. Secondly, I’ll make this quick. But.
I never knew
When I got a dog, I KNEW that I wanted a dog. This is how amazing life is, how life works. How you can KNOW you want something, but kind of have no idea how on earth or why you even know it that you do, but it’s just something you so viscerally know. Because I KNEW I wanted a dog. I CRIED about how much I wanted a dog. I wanted a dog more than anything in the world. And I ignored every illusion along the way that said anything otherwise until I got one. And also, I got THE best dog for me in the world, to where, I know without fail he was made for me.
He is my other half. He’s the best dog in the whole entire world. But I had never had my own dog before and for some reason, I had this preconceived idea kind of like, when they’re a puppy you’re really in love with them, but eventually you cool off. I have been the exact opposite. When he was a puppy, I loved him a lot. I knew he was perfect. But I didn’t feel that fully in-love feeling. It took me a little while to have the real feels.
But now that he’s about to be four next week, I can tell you along these years it has been my joy and my amazement that my love for him only grows with every day. I love him and I understand him and I am SO connected with him. I understand things that maybe other people would be confused with or annoyed by, I know what he is saying and I know what he is doing, and I understand it, and it’s valid.
Today, the neighbor kids (his kids) were playing in the yard (his yard) and he was barking because he had his collar on and it wouldn’t (electronically) allow him to go that far out into the back yard to be with them and play. I came out and fixed it for him, but I love that I know what he is saying and that he’s not just barking to be a jerk. He has genuine preferences and desires and… it’s so sweet when one of them is to be able to be with his favorite kids.
I think the amazing thing is that, kind of related to that, there have been days when I have been tired and days when I wanted to go lie down, but for example, there were kids or another dog outside and he wanted to play. And it was a scenario, for, whatever reason, I couldn’t just like normal, leave him outside by himself and go to sleep.
Times like that where, I genuinely wanted to put his needs before mine, NOT because I was being a “parent”, but because he is SO GOOD and he puts up so patiently with SO much of my shit, and he just is the most loyal and the sweetest and the most loving dog, and to have the feeling that, I’m tired, but I really want him to be able to be outside and play or I really want him to have me out here with him for whatever reason– to have the feeling that– it’s not that you are ignoring your needs or desires, it’s that you have other desires that come first.
Maybe by just a little more, you love something else, and that makes it worth it. I feel BLESSED to have something else in my life that sometimes comes more than sleep. Because I really love sleep! So that other thing must be really good. And it really, really is. When I wanted a dog, I knew it. But I had no idea the depth and the pleasure and the happiness and the peace and the joy I was getting by having this guy around. The LAUGHTER. I did not understand what a blessing I was walking into. On some level, I knew. But mostly, I just knew that I wanted a dog.
I’m sure I would have been happy with any number of dogs but I got the best one for me. He’s the standard for everything in my life. I feel lucky every single day that I get to spend my day with him, my life with him. He has opened me up to life on a higher level and he has given me a clarity as to the meaning of life and the purpose of my own desires and he’s given me a FOCUS on things that I love and on the IMPORTANCE of focusing upon the things that I love. He’s taught me how to put myself first BY putting something I love first, because when you prioritize your life like that, you can only win.
This dog has given me WAY more than I will ever, in the 77 human years he is going to live on this earth, possibly ever give to him. And that is something I appreciate every day I live on this earth.