I Love Movies

I love movies so much that when I was younger (and I don’t mean just a kid) and whenever I’d go see a movie in the theater, I INVARIABLY wanted to be JUST LIKE the protagonist female. Always. No matter what, I found something in it that I loved and wanted to be a part of. I went to school partly for film, because it was such a passion of mine, and on some level, still is.

I’m super focused and obsessed with being in my own head, my own imagination and dreams, and those are in part, amalgamations of movies I have seen, even trailers. I’m watching a movie right now (everyone who knows me knows that unless someone sits me down and makes me, my movie-viewing-spurts until I finish the actual film, can number in the nearly tens– such is my attention span for that).

I was watching the previews last night and this movie came on it. I am a HUGE Tim Burton fan– basically, anything he does, and Disney. Those are two of my all-all-all-time favorites combined. Plus, dogs. So like, this is really epic for me. This came out (and I saw it) before I got Blue. In seeing pieces of it now, I’m realizing how similar Blue is to Sparky, and how much our dreams really do come true. I wanted a relationship like Victor and Sparky, and that is what I got. I got a lovable, silly, barrel of a goofball dog who is my best, best friend for life.

Last night, in the short trailer/preview of this film, EVEN KNOWING HOW IT TURNS OUT– REALLY HAPPY ENDING– I had all I could do to get through the first part of it, when Sparky dies. I don’t think I’m spoiling it for you because it’s pretty freaking obvious that like, that’s the premise of the movie.

Anyway.

bedroom.jpg

^^ I just noticed Blue has THREE of these blankets made for him. (Okay two, and one which I share, which really means I have given to him, too.)

I just want to say to you that movies are my heart, Disney is my heart, Tim Burton is my heart, but mostly, my dog is my heart.

I love my dog SO much and if you have a dream out there that you’re wanting to come true, know that it CAN and it WILL come true in full fruition because to me, my dog is ever-living proof that that can happen, and that it does. I dreamed of him literally my whole life, and having him is everything I ever hoped that it would be, and more. And I know for sure for sure every single day that he was LITERALLY made to be with me and live with me and have this life with me.

He is one of the best things that has ever happened to me in the world and the love and life I experience with him is unlike anything I had ever known prior to him being in my life.

I was thinking of this the other day in the shower, and I think of it a lot, even if I have a family, I don’t think I will ever, ever, ever have the relationship with my kids that I have with my dog because every single other person in the world, necessarily exists for themselves. They have their own things to unfold. And that’s the way it should be.

My dog lives here almost exclusively for me, to be with me. He doesn’t really have an agenda of his own (besides treats). He isn’t here to get things done (besides eating treats) or to be a certain way (besides as close to fat as he can possibly be); he’s just here to enjoy life (and eat treats) and to love and to be with me as my best friend (who gives him… you get the idea). The bond I have with my dog is unbreakable and unlike anything I have ever, ever, ever, ever, ever discovered before. The responsibility, the honor, and the duty you feel to someone who has dedicated their entire existence to being with you, is a loyalty I have to him that I will never be able to fully express.

Saying I am obsessed with my dog is like saying heroin addicts are obsessed with H. It’s not that you’re obsessed with the IDEA of the thing; it’s that you’re fucking addicted to the thing that gives you that feeling. You’re addicted to feeling good, and some things tend to bring it out of you more than others.

It’s not that I am obsessed with him; I am FANATICALLY fucking appreciative about the way he makes me feel and the literal door to the realm he opened when he walked into my life. He changed my way of being, my way of viewing the world, and being in it, in a way that was like opening another door to a way of living I had always wanted yet never known.

Since him coming in, my life has single-handedly and dramatically changed for the better, and I got way more selfish and discovered way more of what was truly important to me. It wasn’t making other people happy, it was being myself, being true to myself. He’s brought a focus to my life that daily I hone in on more and more and more. When you discover the true meaning of happiness is love, then the rest can purely follow from that.

Here is the trailer for this film, from 2012, from a PHENOMENAL artist of all-time about a boy and his dog, Halloween-themed things, and SO many other things I truly deeply adore.

IMG_3463

^^^

This dog deserves every single castle in the world. (That’s the excuse I always use for buying castles.)

He re-centered and re-calibrated my life and helped me to believe in a higher power, a higher good, that things are meant to be working out for me, that dreams really do come true, and that life is meant to be magically good. OF COURSE I’M FUCKING ADDICTED TO HIM. AND OF COURSE, HE COMES BEFORE ALMOST ANYTHING ELSE.

FUCKING DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’D BE AN IDIOT NOT TO.

IMG_3470

I’m a pragmatic person, and I know what works. And since having my dog, basically, my world has revolved around ME and MY OWN PREFERENCES a lot more, because he gave my preferences a body and a focus and a home, where I could externally look at him and say, “Yeah, I’ve got to do this thing for him.” But ULTIMATELY, always, it was me doing that thing for myself, and that’s the art that he has taught me. Is do everything for yourself, what YOU want to do, and the rest of your life falls effortlessly into place.

YOU ARE HERE IN THIS LIFE TO DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. He literally taught me that, when I saw that caring for him and doing what I want to do, was simultaneous. And what is possibly more important in this life, than caring for another living being of a thing? You don’t need anyone to hire you, pay you, or ask you to do that; innately, you know it has value and worth, regardless of whether anyone else, for the rest of your life, ever acknowledges it or not.

Having Blue taught me the value of ignoring the values of the world and focusing on the ones naturally born within myself. And I guarantee you that’s how I become the richest woman in the history of the world.

But I digress.

Caring for him has NEVER been work. It has always been 10,000% of what I have chosen, and what I have wanted to do. What I have been honored and blessed to do.

I have always been very aware of that.

And as for you, thank you for being a part of this world, which gave me my dog. The fact that you exist in the world, means to me, you had some part in it, however many degrees of separation that may seem. Ultimately, it’s never very far or separate at all.

He has taught me more about life, who I am, what I want, where I am going, how lucky I am, how loved I am, how amazing I am, how amazing life is, how good life is all meant to be, and so much more that defies being put into words. I love this fucking dog SO much and I’m appreciating this world that allowed me to have this life that allowed and allows me to have him.

Every single day that I wake up, I acknowledge to myself how lucky I am that he is with me, he is alive, and that I get to live this life THE WAY I WANT TO, THE WAY I INTENDED, just being me, and living with him. I’m super FUCKING lucky and I made it that way. I planned it that way, I made it that way, and I appreciate knowing that, too.

Plan for what you want.

Expect for what you want.

Be clear within yourself on what you desire, and see nothing other than that.

What you want is way too fucking important, to fuck with anything else.

FRANKENWEENIE

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s