Music

SANTA BONO-RA

Merrily On Our Way To NoWHERE At All!

Did I Show You Angels This?

This guy knows the words

whatever

<3

You Can Tell Who’s In Town

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I Totally Forgot This Line

these lines

I step in Def Jam building like I’m the shit

Tell ’em “Give me fifty million or I’m a quit”

totally blew me away

i feel so proud of him like i’m going to cry

(i thought $50M was a lot of money back then)

xxx

if you wanna know my favorite part, it’s 5:12

My Favorite Two People In The World

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Three.

I Tell You Something Funny

I just googled Vengaboys because I’m now down a Vengaboys hole and I wanted to see where they were from. I have always loved them, but I always loved them before YouTube and I’ve just had a few of their songs on my iTunes basically since forever. Today is the first time I’m ever seeing them in video. And they are so funny, and their videos are amazing, I was wondering– I knew they must be from some country other than here.

Anyway I wanted to know more about them. I googled them and found that just within the last day or two, they went viral for some people in the UK playing a dance party with their song (the one I just posted- Boom Boom Boom Boom) in the street.

I had no idea. I haven’t thought of that song in years. It just came to my head all of a sudden to post it and to play it.

I genuinely had not heard anything of this at all when it came to me to post this and to start playing it today.

I would say this is amazing but I know we are always picking up on signals all around us. Just thought I’d share that with you. The world works in mysterious ways!!!! 🙂 I’m used to it, but it never gets old and it’s always still cool! xoxoxoxo

I also just found out it was released on June 14, which is my dog’s birthday, and I got the urge to play this right after our friends had stopped my on a whim to deliver him this birthday gift.

(Sasha is his best friend and his girlfriend) IMG_8425

I am just seeing the video and hearing of the whole thing now and it SHOULD blow me away but I tell you, crazy things like this happen to me ALL THE TIME ALL DAY LONG and crazier, but still, it’s fun when it’s something so prove-able to the world. Other ones are so like, nuanced, it would take me days trying to explain.

But funny and I love it.

If you ever wondered if you’re in COMPLETE and UTTER connection with the universe, don’t. You ARE!!!!!!!

By the way, the video is great. This is me peeing and watching it and smiling. (Yes, I’m very talented at doing all three.)

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Deepest Shallows

painting.

VIDA VIDA VIDA

HERE’S THE LAST ONE BEFORE I GO TO THE STORE FOR MORE PAINT

HERE’S THE ORIGINAL ONE I WAS GOING TO POST UP HERE.

VIDA- RICKY MARTIN

Lucky

He is always being given gifts!!!!!!!!!

By people delivering them to him!!!!!!!!

I’ve taught him the only trick that matters.

Thank you Granpa ❤ ❤ ❤

I’M NOT STOPPING

I AM SO GLAD I STARTED MY DAY OFF WITH MATT AND KIM YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW

I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY ARE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD YOU CANNOT NOT SMILE WHEN YOU’RE WATCHING THEM. THEY ARE THE MOST SUCCESSFUL HUMAN BEINGS AT BEING HUMAN I HAVE EVER SEEN. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH THEY ARE SO FUCKING AWESOME THEY ARE SO INCREDIBLY GOOD.

I mean, yeah. They’re okay.

 

HEY NOW HEY NOW GIRL

IF YOU DIED I’D DIE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE

(YOU’RE THE TROUBLE THAT I ALWAYS FIND)

WOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Was Washed Away By This

I didn’t mean to like it but there you go.

I do.

It’s really good. Timelessly good.

Love.

Song Of The Day, From My Sis

IF YOU WANT TO BE FREE, BE FREE

My sister started out my day today by telling me to listen to this song because it reminded her of me and this was a huge compliment coming from her (you know how I fan my sister) but really I had never heard this song and I loved it so maybe you will too. I think that it says everything true about everything 🙂 ❤

She sent this to me, or told me to listen to it, just as I was having this thing go through my head, about being free. Then I played this song, and, well, you know the rest 🙂 🙂 🙂

I love you guys!!!!! Give some people some hugs and some smiles and enjoy your night!!!!!!!!!!

Reckless Breathless

No explaining how I came across this, only let me say… I’m going to start paying attention someone’s song suggestions more cause in this week he’s been two for two.

Love this.

Nobody in the comments that I read said Nirvana and Cobain but that’s exactly what I heard this whole entire song.

Sick song, nothing like anything I have ever heard, but if Kurt was a girl when he was in Nirvana and wrote all those songs, I feel like this is what it would have been.

Alright. I’m checking into some dreams right now but I’ll leave you with this.

Johnny Part II.

John agreed to play in my kitchen while I did an interpretive dance. I have the most talented people in my kitchen, you would never believe.

He wanted to stay off camera because he feels he is over-exposed in May and he wants to keep down a low-key status in June. I told him, “John, if you play live in my kitchen and I post this on my blog, your stats are going to be off the hook like you’ve never seen.” He said, “You know what, getting to guest-star on your blog is the highlight of my career, even if I’m not even seen on film. I have to take this opportunity when it comes because chances like this come around once every several hundred years.”

I’m paraphrasing what he said in order to be humble.

So, anyway, I acquiesced.

Hope you enjoy.

If you couldn’t already tell, this song is actually about choosing between chocolate cupcakes, and vanilla. I hinted at it here. It’s also about inclusion, unity, life, love, and sprinkles. (If you’ll notice, these were carefully chosen for their color scheme. They were not randomly picked off the counter and/or left over from Memorial Day, as you might have previously believed.)

And I purposefully waited to brush my teeth until after filming, because I wanted to give it an authentic feel. John told me when he wrote this song, he knew whoever performed it, had to have eaten a piece of cold pizza which was given to them as a bribe to go to funeral, not brush their teeth, drink a bunch of black coffee, and then perform.

So I said, “Okay. That sounds like my usual routine. I can do that.”

(If you look closely you can see the pizza foil in the background here.) (Pizza foils are how you know I’ve been on a bender.)

If you ever feel badly about yourself because you think I have too much talent and nobody should ever have as much dance, acting, musical, talent as me… Don’t feel bad. There are other lifetimes and you can always get reincarnated as me in your next lifetime. (There’s probably a waitlist but we’ve got forever, you know.)

I LOVE JOHN AND I LOVE THIS SONG

I LOVE MAYER. IN ANOTHER REALM NOT SO FAR FROM HERE, MAYER IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. (My friend Shane and I have a competition going to see who hangs out with him first, but then who can do it without telling the other one, so that the other one THINKS they’re winning at doing it first, but they’re ACTUALLY NOT. HOW GENIUS IS THAT. I STARTED IT.)

I have dreams where we are friends all the time. I know in some other realm, it’s just the way it is. I see him in the bank and he grew up across the street from me. Among other things.

He’s a really genuine and cool guy– I called that YEARS ago back when everyone thought he was being a D. Bag. He’s got heart; always known it, glad it’s coming out into the light now where everyone can see. He’s a genuine person and you can’t fucking WRITE THE LYRICS AND THE MELODIES AND THE WHATEVER ELSE ASPECTS OF MUSIC I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO EXPRESS, BY BEING NOT A GOOD PERSON. HE IS HOOKED UP TO HEAVEN AND HE’S HOOKED UP TO GOD. JOHN MAYER IS SO FUCKING COOL OF A HUMAN BEING.

(I’M SURE YOU ARE TOO).

My friend Shane actually sent me some shit from his most recent album several months ago and I was like, “Ya, that’s about Katy.” (This was before anyone had said anything.) Shane’s like “I’m so tired of people saying his shit is about Katy!”… Two days later, it’s like, on the radio that John admitted the song was about Katy.

Anyway. I didn’t listen to any of the music cause I LOVE John as a human being, but some of this stuff, I’m more like… I’m just into boppier stuff these days. So I was like, “Thanks but no thanks. That’s not my flow but glad for him he’s putting out music, I’ll always MENTALLY support him and think he’s sick.”

Anyway.

This song…

Chills.

Chills. Chills. Chills.

So beautiful, John. (Shane is a super fucking fan of Johnny so I’m sure he’s already heard this song. I’m not like THE HUGEST John Mayer fan, musically, but I believe he’s one of THE MOST TALENTED MUSICIANS OF OUR LIFETIME, HANDS DOWN).

This song makes me feel so many things. I might have to revisit his new album (I haven’t even tried). But this is genuinely amazing. JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’M PROUD OF THIS TUNE YA DID JOHN! You are such a sweetie you little hunny. You’re going to find your wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And have a happy ending in your life, I PROMISE! I KNOW IT!!!!!!!! You have the answers to ALL of these questions inside 🙂 (As do we all ❤ )

Perez actually recommended this song and as I said, I ignore 99% of his music recommendations but being that I already knew of Johnny, I gave it a try and I WAS SO FUCKING SKEPTICAL BUT I’M SUPER GLAD I DID CAUSE… WOW. YOU CAN’T NOT FEEL SOMETHING. SO PROUD OF YOU JOHN (AND SHANE, HIS GAY LOVER). ❤ ❤ ❤ YOU GUYS INSPIRE GREAT ART WITHIN EACHOTHER 😉 😉 😉

You’re going to love this song. Promise. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a beetle named John Mayer in my eye.

Incoming: The ‘BU

ΔΔΔ

WOO WOO

Here’s another.

The sunshine and the skylines and the ocean there all amaze me. ❤ ❤ ❤

Sweet Song From That Munroe Video

If you loved it too, here it is.

A sweet house, a video, put to a sick soundtrack… there’s no easier way to make me melt!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIVE FOR REAL ESTATE MOVIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THIS GAVE ME SHIVERS!!!!! LOVE THEM BOTH WOW.

They remind me of Sesame Street in this one at the start. I love this video SO much for SO many different reasons!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Because You Loved Me… it’s ONE cheesy love song ballad that always gets to me, I’ll admit.

SONG OF THE DAY- CONGA!!!!!

THESE SONGS ARE SO TIMELESS; THEY NEVER GET OLD. I LOVE THIS SONG SOOOOO MUCH. I LOVE MIAMI I LOVE THE ENERGY I LOVE THE BEAT AND I LOVE GLORIA STEFAN. I LOVE HER SUCCESS, HER MUSIC, AND MOSTLY I LOVE HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER HUSBAND, EMILIO. I THINK THEY ARE SO AMAZINGLY COOL. BOTH SHE AND CELINE DION’S RELATIONSHIPS WITH THEIR HUSBANDS I THINK ARE SO INSPIRING. BOTH OF THEM MET THEIR HUSBANDS AND THEY WERE THEIR FIRST AND ONLY BOYFRIENDS AND THEN THEY GOT MARRIED.

I LOVE THAT!

I love Gloria’s relationship with Emilio, especially because they are opposite signs and I think that is really fucking cool. 😉 😉 😉

ANYWAY back to the music, I love this song. It puts you in the mood to… have an awesome day from start to finish.

Alright enjoy this song ya’ll!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How do you say ya’ll in Miami?

She just makes happy, positive, uplifting, feel-good music! I love it!

These Cans’ Artwork Is Gorge

three-core-and-Krush

So I was just checking out the concert calendar on one of my… well, my only favorite music station. If I ever do listen to the radio, it’s the only one I have on, WEQX.

Anyway. I was on there and I saw this ad for this beer. I don’t know this beer; I’ve never drank this beer. I drink beer, but not a whole lot and I drink whatever’s there; I’m not super picky or by any means a connoisseur but I do tend to like the lighter ones better than the dark ones. The dark ones heeb me out. They’re way too BEER for me. They’re way too, “What the fuck is that; I’d rather be drinking straight mud… Here, you drink it.”

Anyway I just loved this fucking artwork and thought you may too!!!!

Apparently their beer coming in cans in a new thing; I didn’t even know it came in bottles.

FUCKING LOVE THESE CANS. FUCKING FUCKING LOVE.

SUPER SWEET DEAL WITH THE ARTWORK FOOOO’S.

If you like beer, check them out. Maybe their beer is as good as their design.

Sjowgren and Grilled Cheese

Alright I’m always mouthing off on recipes as jokes BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS here…

Grilled cheese for me has always been THE most complicated thing to make. (Not because like, it’s HARD ingredient wise, clearly) but because I ALWAYS FUCKING BURNT THE BREAD. I couldn’t find a way of melting the cheese in the middle WITHOUT burning the bread. I just want to tell you, I’ve finally had a breakthrough which works.

Cover the mo-fucking pan!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I KNOW I’ve done it before but for some reason I never had an epiphany that it’s like, THE ONLY WAY that works for me).

Literally just cover the pan and it works. It melts the cheese BEFORE THE BREAD GETS BURNED.

HERE’S ONE MORE TRICK THAT WILL SAVE YOU A LOT OF TIME AND BREAD.

IF YOU HAPPPPPPPEN TO BURN THE SHIT…

(NOT SAYING I EVER DO EVERY SINGLE TIME BUT JUST FOR THOSE WHO MIGHT HAVE A LITTLE TEENSY PATTERN OF BURNING SHIT TO WHERE YOU’RE AMAZED THE SMOKE ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF)

Take a knife, preferably one with a serrated edge, and kind of like… I’m trying to think how to explain what you do… You’ll probably just figure it out on your own, but you can really scrape the burnt part away so that only the light bread is left underneath. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve done this. The burnt part comes right off, into like, dust.

IT’S GRILLED CHEESE MAGIC.

So yeah, that’s the end of that. I can OFFICIALLY have kids now that I’ve figured out how to make basically the number one thing I will ever be cooking for them their entire lives…

So before I go have sex…

(Only kidding, only kidding, I won’t tell you all about that).

Oh yeah, Sjowgren is really winning out for me right now. That song is still the best song I’ve found since I re-started this blog. CRJ aside, Minus The Bear, “Never Gonna Leave This Bed”, even Gloria Estefan!!!!!!!!

Maybe it’s all this rainy weather.

That said.

THAT SAID.

I’m working on something REALLY COOL that I’m really excited to share with you all in a couple days, or so, (a month? two weeks?) and so I’m researching that. This rainy weather we’ve been having the last like, three days has totally lit a fire under my ass on it even more.

Alright so, I guess that’s about it for now.

And in honor of this lady’s birthday coming up in a few days, someone who has really inspired me and right at the moment, now more than ever, I want to introduce you to someone who I’ll do another post on in a minute!

All the love READERS ❤ ❤

I’m genuinely excited to embark upon this shit that I’m being very vague about right now because like, part of the blog as-is is what it was always going to be, and there’s another aspect I haven’t yet uncovered or delved into with you yet, that I’m wanting to, and I know it probably all sounds really bat-shit crazy and really vague to you right now, but it’s something that’s my passion and that’s really important to me, so I’m working on that and focusing on that until it’s ready to pop and share with you in that kind of external way.

I always liken the creative process to a pregnancy or gestation; it’s like that with animals, fruit, everything. So anyway, I’m excited for it and it’s super fucking weird talking AROUND IT but it’s something I believe I came here to do (not being as serious as all that; it’s just really mother fucking cool, and my biggest passion in life). ALRIGHT.

So that is it for now, and I’ll move onto Helene!!!!!!!!!!

This Is Going To Make Me Throw Up

[I’m listening to the Perez Hilton Podcast WITH CHRIS BOOKER YA’LL WITH CHRIS BOOKER. IT’S NOT JUST PEREZ’S PODCAST, OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s the one for May 29, 2017]

Now listen here. I’ve been reading Perez probably since like 2005, 2006. I am a legit fan-friend with him in my mind. I feel like we already are friends.

I don’t really take kindly to song recommendations. He’s always putting new music on his website and 99.99% of all of it, I completely ignore. I was RESISTANT to listening to Carly Rae’s new song. I just really like things to happen for me organically and they seem to always come up at the right time, so I never really have this need or desire to like, “seek things out”. The only songs and artists that I am FULLY IN LOVE WITH seem to always come from like, them just coming to me randomly and at the right time.

After having it hammered into my head for a couple of days, late Saturday night I finally listened to it, and it totally blew me away. She’s somehow tapped into this vein… If good pop music is a river, she’s like THE SINGULAR PERSON WHO KNOWS GEOGRAPHICALLY WHERE THE FUCK THAT RIVER IS.

Well I finally broke down and listened to that song the other night and it’s one of my favorite songs of… I was going to say the year but it’s only 5 months in, and I don’t think that does it justice. Her as an artist, it’s not even JUST the song; it’s her as an artist and the fact now that she’s given me TWO of my all-time-favorite songs of all time, that I think I am MOST excited for.

And I don’t usually even listen to pop. If you tell me basically ANY OTHER pop artist has a song out, I probably won’t listen to it. I don’t keep up with any of them, at all.

But she totally reeled me in with Call Me Maybe, which I Googled the other night, and found out was in fucking 2011 which BLEW ME RIGHT THE FUCK AWAY because that’s six years ago and it’s incredible to me it was that long ago. Anyway.

I also didn’t know (like Chris Booker says here in the PHP) that she was like some kind of gay idol or icon or music icon or whatever. But I have ALWAYS known myself to basically be a gay man in a woman’s body because I just do have impeccable taste and I’ve always loved the gays and resonated with them, I feel like the most of anyone on earth.

You can’t have THIS MUCH GOOD TASTE IN ONE BODY, PLUS LOVE MEN, AND NOT BE A GAY MALE. IT’S JUST SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. ALTHOUGH I DO HAVE A BIRTH CANAL. SO LIKE, TECHNICALLY SPEAKING… I AM AN 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD.

Gay guys bring me so much joy. One time my sister had a gay roommate and she brought he and his boyfriend here and I literally almost cried. I’m not exaggerating I had to like, reign it in and honestly control myself and my tear ducts because you can’t really explain to someone like… “I’m just so full of joy because you are my spirit animal and it makes me feel like I have found my people when I am near you.”

SO THAT BEING SAID. NOW WITH CRJ IT ALL MAKES SENSE AND I UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE THE BEST TASTE IN THE WORLD, I’M SUPER FUCKING STRAIGHT IN LIKE, THE MOST BORING POSSIBLE WAY (which is like the equivalent of being a REALLY GAY MALE), and basically, I just now finally understand why I am a master of knowing nice things and picking out all the greatest design.

They taste is subjective, but I am here to tell you that it’s not. It’s not my “opinion”; it’s a god-given fact. Me having good taste is as much of a fact as gravity is on earth. It just is.

Me having good taste is like Michael Jordan being good at basketball. It’s like Gisele bring a model. And Adele singing and Jennifer Lawrence acting; that’s me having good taste. It just is. I can’t help it. I was born that way.

WE DON’T GET TO CHOOSE THESE GIFTS.

So that’s it; I’m gay (as a man, which makes me a straight girl). And also. Tom Hanks. Okay this video is AWESOME beyond words. It gave me so much joy. I remember hearing about this song awhile ago, but anyway, as I’ve just explained, I never jump on the bandwagon for anything; I just go for things when and if I please and when it’s the right time.

RIGHT NOW IS THE RIGHT TIME CAUSE I’VE BEEN CONVERTED TO A CRJ FAN 4 LYYYFE.

THIS VIDEO IS SO FUCKING AWESOME. DANCE ROUTINES! TOM HANKS! PREGNANCY JOKES! SOMEBODY KNOWS ME IN HEAVEN AND DIRECTED THE VIDEO FOR THIS SONG.

(IT WAS PROBABLY KURT COBAIN. KURT, YOU JOKER, YOU.)

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE

NOT TO MENTION I WAS JUST THINKING OF TOM HANKS LAST NIGHT IN THE SHOWER. SO LIKE, ACTUALLY, WHAT THE FUCK.

I FUCKING LOOOOOVE IT WHEN THAT SHIT HAPPENS AND IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE GODDAMN MOTHER FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING TIME

ALSO

ONE LAST THING.

IF ZACH GALIFIANAKIS WANTS TO MAKE UP WITH ME FOR STEALING MY IDEA FOR TWO FERNS… HE CAN DO A DANCE ROUTINE WITH ME TO THE NEW VIDEO FOR CARLY’S NEW SONG CUT TO THE FEELING.

I WILL ACCEPT THAT OLIVE FERN BRANCH.

(ZACH I KNOW YOU READ THIS BLOG SO I AM EXPECTING A CALL FROM YOU SOON. MY NEIGHBOR JENNY’S NUMBER IS 867-5309, YOU CAN REACH ME THERE.)

24 Hours (+++) No Sleep

This is what it looks like!!!!!!!!!!

 

Alright THIS Is How You Do POP

FUCK

Unreal.

She’s so unbelievably good. Two hits in my mind that are legitimately some of the best songs ever written in the history of the world.

She’s so sickkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

LOVE THIS GIRL LOVE THIS SONG.

❤ ❤ ❤ ❤

PAT BENETAR VIBES RIGHT HERE. LIKE MY FIRST FAVORITE POP SONGS I EVER HEARD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT. SO MUCH HAPPINESS RIGHT NOW THAT I ACTUALLY LISTENED TO THIS AFTER KIND OF PUTTING IT OFF THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS.

LOVE LOVE LOVE

FUCKING YES.

I honestly have not heard a song this good since Call Me Maybe, which reigns supreme in my mind forever as one of the best happy carefree dance songs EVER. And honestly this for me surpasses it now maybe only because it is NEW and it’s been a couple of years since that hit (or more than a couple). But UGH. I cannot wait for this video.

This to me, is what music is about. I don’t want to say SHOULD be about; because music is about expression of anything anyone desires. But to me, this is what I want my music to be. Happy, dreamy, fun, with a good beat.

LOVE THIS SONG. This girl can do NO wrong with me. Officially.

This is like, everything that makes me excited about in music.

Super LIGHT HAPPY POPPPY AS FUCK AND FUN.

THAT IS MUSIC TO ME.

This one is out of the park.

Gotye 2.0

What can I say. I’m a consummate artist, singer, performer.

My mastery knows no bounds.

As you can see, this is how I won my Oscar back in ’78.

Gotye wanted to use this choreography and emoting in his music video, but I said, please, Wouter, leave it to the pros (pro).

OKAY THIS IS A SPECIAL SURPRISE FOR YOU

This has been in the makings for months, and I had to keep this under wraps, which you can imagine, for me was very hard to do. It was basically how I spent all my time, energy, and focus for the last 18 or so months, bringing this together.

Hair, clothing, choreography, learning the lyrics, make up. The list goes on and on.

The garden dirt was placed for effect.

But I hope that all of my back-breaking labor was worth it, and this is something you will cherish for years to come and will be passed down from generation to generation as a hallmark of what one very dedicated and serious person can do, when they really put their mind to it.

I hope you enjoy all of the brilliant and talented minds that went into the making of this shortened feature-length film.

Boy George was actually in the kitchen, singing this with me live, but they felt the camera use was better placed on me, the talent, the experience, and the skill. (Their words, not mine.) I humbly accepted (and agreed).

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This is me being so happy that Boy George is finally in my kitchen, after all these years of texting to make a date to make this music video masterpiece.

He WOULD be in this picture, but I asked him to be taking this pic.

He is a GREAT photographer. (The world doesn’t know that about him, but he is.)

As you can see here.

(He likes to stand on counters and take pictures of me.)

LIFE IS ONE BIG, CONSTANT CURATION

WE ARE CONTINUALLY CURATING AND CONTINUALLY CREATING.

NOTHING’S THAT SERIOUS! IT’S MEANT TO HAVE FUN!!!!!!!

Life is ultimately one big curation, one big edit. You’re always sketching over, sketching over, sketching over, and creating something incredibly new.

When I paint, it’s the layers underneath that make the final product so cool. I could not have just SKIPPED FORWARD to the final end; the final end is what I got from all the layers of work underneath.

Your life becomes what you focus upon, which means focus on THE BEST and the most fascinating and the coolest and the most YOU things that you can find. Set your standards really high. Set your standards sky high, for yourself.

Say, “I want this because THIS is the purest form of the representation of ME.” The higher you set your standards, the universe complies. The universe ALWAYS complies; it’s simply a matter of how HIGH you are setting your own STANDARDS of YOURSELF.

Eat the foods ONLY you love.

Listen to the music ONLY which soars in your heart.

Be with the person who you’d want to be with if you knew the world was going to end today.

Focus on the feeling and the image of the body that you truly desire to live in.

Let yourself live in your dream house.

Let yourself fulfill your dreams!

EVEN IF THERE’S ONLY ONE THING IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE THAT YOU CAN FEEL PURELY ABOUT, FOCUS ON THAT. IT WILL BRING EVERYTHING ELSE INTO FOCUS FOR YOU, TOO.

FOCUS ON THAT WHICH YOU CAN FEEL PURELY, POSITIVITY FOR.

FOCUS ON THAT WHICH FEELS PURELY LIKE IT’S COMING FROM OR RESONATING WITHIN YOU.

NO MATTER WHAT IT IS. DON’T JUDGE YOURSELF; JUST GO WITH THE FLOW.

People don’t become masters by taking everyone else into consideration. People become masters by taking only themselves.

The world wants you to be you. The universe wants you to be you.

It doesn’t matter what this person or that person thinks of you; I’m talking in terms of the UNIVERSE at LARGE. You will ALWAYS be backed by that. Know which side your bread is buttered on, and just ignore the rest.

ANYBODY ELSE’S PERSPECTIVE IS FLIES IN THE OINTMENT, UNLESS IT JIVES WITH YOU. LEAVE EVERYBODY ELSE OUT OF IT.

WHAT HAVE THEY GO TO DO WITH YOU BEING YOURSELF!?!?!?!?!!? 🙂 🙂 🙂

Nothing, and that’s why it’s great.

YOU BEING YOURSELF IS ONLY EVER YOUR OWN AND FULL RESPONSIBILITY. No matter what anyone else is doing, your only ever responsibility, is just for being you!

Your job is being yourself, IN RELATION AND IN RESPONSE to anything that occurs.

Your only responsibility, is to you. And your only responsibility, is to be yourself.

That’s their job (for them), and that’s your job (for you).

There you go. We solved it all. 🙂

There’s no responsibility for anything other than self, and the same applies to them. No responsibility, no guilt; everyone takes creative control of themselves.

What is this life, except an exercise in creativity?!?!?!

Our deepest desire, and our deepest need, in this life, is for complete creative control within ourselves.

THAT’S the relationship that we are looking for.

Everyone finds their own way to be happy and naturally gravitates to, or attracts into their experience, what it is. And it’s a constantly-changing-flux. Always evolving, ever-pure, representation of energetic response.

That’s it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nobody else is in charge of your fortune (any aspect of it) other than you. You’re the only person to impress, the only person you require permission and agreement from.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN BOSS. EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ELSE FOLLOWS.

Grant life the permission slip to give you what you desire and to be good to you.

It is ONLY ever your own limiting belief that keeps you from having the things that you most truly desire, and nothing ever else.

Let yourself dream.

There are people all over the world, mirroring back to you, illustrating to you, things that you wish to have. BLESS those people for the GIFT that they are giving. You are living in a  real-life catalogue.

Endless possibilities for expansion and change are ALWAYS being shown. JUST by their existence, people are always showing you new ways of thinking, being, and experiencing things. They are showing you examples of things that you desire, and things that you don’t.

You feel so much better, you feel so good, when you focus on those aspects of your life that bring you joy. Life is meant to be fun; life is meant to be joy. Life is meant to be a constant curation of the things that you love the most in your life. Life is meant to show YOU to YOU and every passing day with each new experience, you are gaining more and more clarity of bigger and greater dreams.

Nothing too big, nothing too small. Everything possible, with your focus and belief.

❤ It is my intention and desire that some of YOUR dreams come true today, tomorrow, and all of this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sending you LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Em

I’M A NERD FOR THIS TYPE OF SONG

Okay now.

I literally could not give less of a gem about D.C.

So just ignore the video.

However. This song.

THIS is the mo’ fuckin song of the day. I was just going to listen to FJM’s new album on YouTube and this commercial came on and I honestly find some of my all-time favorite music on commercials. So I tracked down this track and I really love it!!!!!!

Love!!

If anybody knows who this is, let me know! I couldn’t find song credits anywhere on here.

It’s so cool!!!!!!

So cover your eyes and pretend this song is playing over a real-estate video showing of a house in Beverly Hills. (That’s the only way that I can get by.)

But this SONG is really fucking cool!!!!!!!!!!

I love the song!!!!!!!!!!

HANSON!!!!!!! “I Was Born”

Alright I heard this song a few weeks ago and I will be totallllllly honest with you I wasn’t into it at all. BUT

This is one of those crazy things where I actually ended up loving the song BECAUSE of the video. The video changed it all, completely for me. I’ve followed Taylor Hanson and his family a little bit, and they kind of had me going through a phase where I thought five kids looked like the normal number, like the normal amount. (I’m still on the fence about that.) But anyway, so I knew of his kids, but the other ones were relatively new to me, and anyway, they are ALL so beautiful and lovely and it TOTALLY made me cry at one point in the video (I won’t tell you which; I want you to have your own conclusions). (It MIGHT have to do around 2:37)

But anyway yeah, I love this song now and I think this video is one of THE coolest, most unique and well-made videos I have seen in a very long time and I just really appreciate this song now in a whole new light. I loved every second of it.

Love love love.

These kids are EVERYTHING. ❤ ❤ ❤ Wow. So incredibly beautiful and cute. I felt emotional and they weren’t even mine!!! I literally got chills watching this!

They are so cute and so sweet it makes me want to DIEEEEEEEE.

Hope you enjoy it as much as me 🙂 🙂 🙂

I’m Going Out To Jump On The Trampoline*

*Update: I didn’t really jump on the trampoline.

So I found this song…. a month ago, to be exact.

I have to be honest with you (well, I don’t, but I will– I could also method-act my way through and pretend I never cried at all) I cried when I saw this video. It totally just like… Something in it, it like released something in me. These guys are TOO SWEET.

They make marriage look like it can actually be fun. Plus their baby Willa is so cute. Like, so incredibly cute.

Their family totally kills me in all the good ways. I LOVE this song; I couldn’t stop listening to this song for DAYS. My neighbors probably wanted to KILL me. But it was so fucking good I didn’t even care. I just couldn’t stop!!!!

*Hannah Hooper– sounds like a Sesame Street character. That’s sick.

(I don’t wanna tell you what to do, but I am telling you what to do. If you go on her Instagram and see pictures of her baby and also her and Christian, you might start crying, too. My eyes are welling up and I’m like two pictures in. But…… It’s probably the onions in the grocery store a mile away.)

Plus like, dude… if you’re checking out her Instagram, their house is really sick. Like, really sick. I love that picture of the naked baby with the stroller in the bathroom. They have GOOD TASTE. Also, that baby who is always pushing her stroller, don’t even get me started. Don’t even. Get me. Going.

And now I’m feeling that way again (I’m jumping around here, but what I’m referring to here is that I’m feeling like my neighbors are once, more, going to petition to kill me because this song is about to be on PLAY for the next rest of the day). I think this video is so cool and I LOVE the fact that they are married and have a family and are in a band together and I love this band; this band has been one of my favorites for YEARS. They are ONE OF THE BEST at happy, fun, feel-good music that you can go crazy to.

Plus, Elle Fanning.

These guys are SO FUCKING GOOD. So do yourself a favor and listen to them because you can’t NOT be in a good mood when listening to this and I’m telling you, H and C will make your heart sing for how adorably cute they are together.

OKAY LOVE LOVE BYE!

Everything about her Instagram. I am obsessed with this. Literally. Everything.

https://www.instagram.com/ladygrouplove/?hl=en

I had Robert Frost poem playing in my head in the shower last night and freaking what the fuck do you know, she captioned something from Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening… And Bukowski.

Ya. Okay, Hannah Hooper. Keep living in my head and using all my dreams. You FREAKING GODDESS YOU.

But seriously, though… everything about everything on here is great. TOO MUCH COOLNESS TOO MUCH LOVE.

I WANT A BABY AND A FAMILY LIKE THAT, STAT.

FOR THE RECORD. ON THE RECORD.

GO.

PS

IF YOU LOVE THEM here’s an interview of this.

http://www.qromag.com/interviews/hannah-hooper-christian-zucconi-of-grouplove/

(It was a really cool article but I’d be lying if I said I made it through the whole thing. That’s my reading for the day!!! And the fact that I’m wearing this Great Gatsby sweatshirt, which, basically, always get me by.)

Sometimes I get a little bit carried away with CAPS LOCK but it’s ultimately, all for the best.

Oh shit I also have to go buy some balloons.

BALLOON SHOPPING DAY!!!!!!!

Whatever Here’s ANOTHER One

(Blue’s request)

I remember watching this video on MTV as a kid. I THOUGHT IT WAS SO FREAKING COOL. I DON’T EVEN KNOW FOR SURE IF I KNEW THAT THING WAS A MICROPHONE.

I’M PROUD TO SAY TODAY THAT NOW I DO.

I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF HER. SHE’S SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE HAS SHE BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’M LATIN I SWEAR.

I was adopted. These aren’t my real parents and these aren’t my real roots.

TURN IT UP TURN IT UP TURN IT UPSIDEDOWNNNNNN
(I’m a little bit of a better singer than her but other than that, she’s good.)

I think this is Blue’s new favorite song.

IMG_6515

 

FATHER JOHN!!!!!!!!!!!

TOTAL ENTERTAINMENT FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I TURNED ON MY CAR AND THE RADIO AND THIS WAS ON

AND WE SHARE A BIRTHDAY SO YOU KNOW HE’S GREAT.

(THAT’S HOW YOU KNOW HE’S LEGIT.)

I LOVE FJM SINCE LONG TIME BUT THIS SONG ABSOLUTELY BLEW ME AWAY. HE IS UNREAL AND I LOVE HIM. HE IS TOO FUCKING GOOD.

 

 

THIS VIDEO.

EVERYTHING.

You can try to figure out which is the official video and which one is me turning this on and finding it in my car. There are very subtle nuances between the two. (Mostly just that I don’t look anything like Macualay Culkin.)

FJM has good taste in Kurt Cobains.

FATHER JOHN MISTY HAS GOOD TASTE IN LIFE.

I’m not even kidding when I say I think that this is THE best song in music right now. Absolutely brilliant song writing, not just lyrics but musically, he’s AB SO LUTE LY blown me away.

Let’s Be Serious Now

Fashion made me do it.

I’M A SLAVE TO FASHION. I CANNOT HELP IT.

When I know something is going to work, I just have to do it. My instinct is never wrong.

I wore this ensemble to the store and it got rave reviews.

Now I have to start my diet for next month’s cover of Vogue. I feel like the key to a good diet is just picking one food group and leave out all the rest. For this, I choose donuts.

IMG_6140

 

 

THE SONG OF THE DAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

(do you like my shorts?) 🙂

YOU ARE GOING TO LOOOOOOVEEEEEE EEEETTTTTTT

 

DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YA.

I need some MARACAS!!!!!!

Omg I’m watching this video of her and she is so cool.

I AM LEARNING SPANISH TO THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You wouldn’t believe it, but I already understand every word!!!!!!

My Song Came On the Radio!!!

How exciting is this.

Okay, not MINE but those akfajskfioe’s sjowgren who made an amazing song I’ve been writing to you about.

GREATEST eVER SONGGGGGGGG

I think actually the reason I was so excited is that I hadn’t even been listening to the radio; I was using my phone, and I just got inspired to turn it on, and it was literally that.

LITERALLY THERE.

LITERALLY SJOWGREN.

YOU WOULD NOT EVER EVEN (EVEN EVER) BELIEVE

 

HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN THIS YET

I wanted to post this link before I even did because I’m REALLY excited for thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssssss

❤ ❤ ❤

Miley Cyrus: Malibu

“And for the first time in years with pants on”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

OMG I LOVE IT SO MUCH

(ISN’T MUCH A WEIRD WORD? If you look at it, like… Mulch? Much? Weird.)

 

Wow this sounds really good.

She looks so good and I looooove this song ❤

Miley ❤

Genuinely love her. Love love love love love.

Holy shit.

I love this. I love this version.

SHE IS UNREAL.

HOLY FUCK.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE

So proud of her!!!!!

love.

love.

love.

(When I told her she should write a song about Malibu, it was only in jest. I didn’t think she’d ACTUALLY do it.)

I took a few days off of listening to this song, too, which is even fucking awesomer listening to it now.

(The neighbors just came and knocked on the door and asked if they could use Blue for a doggie experiment so, that interrupted me from this. I said yeah, sure, do whatever with him, just get him outta my hair he’s killing me here! BEING A MOTHER IS EXHAUSTING. (He was really lying on the couch.))

Actually the most exhausting thing about being a mom is when your child is so popular you are always having to answer the door when you’re trying to write posts on MALIBU.

(It’s the genetics; what can I say.)

Okay, also I want to highlight this because of the fact that this is the first time SOMEBODY else was crying, and I WAS NOT.

SHA BAAAAAAM!

(It’s a BRAND NEW START! A DREAM COME TRUE! IN… NEW YOR-KU)

This Is So Good

WOOOOOOOOO I FOUND THE LINKKKKKKKK ❤

THANK YOU JESUS YOU DO ACTUALLY EXIST ON EARTH

EVIDENCE BELOW

(Not Drake; just the fact that I found a good link.)

If you find a different version elsewhere, watch that. I don’t care how you see it, just do.

I don’t actually watch these shows because I don’t have the attention span and I don’t care about more than half of it, but this thing BLEW me away.

SO fucking good.

Drake 🙂

(Also his acceptance speech was !!!!!)

Unless you care about the fanfare, I just FF until 1:25.

(His first part of his speech to me is LIFE… AND THE LAST.)

These shows are kind of silly to me IN A WAY because they just keep creating more of them and giving out awards, as if they actually MEAN something, and I totally don’t mean to degrade them in any way because they are TALENTED performers and I give them a WHOLE lot of credit, it’s just kind of like, making up awards… BUT THEN if you think about it, every award unto itself is kind of made up. So anyway. But his acceptance speech really hit a chord with me.

The thing I appreciate about these people most (I’m talking about performers, musicians, people who are on their game, it could be in any field, although particularly right now I’m talking about the people last night), is just their ability to stand up in front of a crowd of their peers, and sometimes their idols, and people they respect– and just be REAL.

No matter what anyone is doing in life, what role that they play, or profession that they do, it’s all relevant to you, if you want it to be, and if you want to learn something, because NO MATTER WHAT, every single person you encounter, represents some aspect of you, and some aspect of the global human experience. So, like them or leave them, love them or hate them, if you want it to be, there’s something to be learned from every one.

These people are full of life and I love it. Especially Drake. He’s magic just as a human being, and I think it’s amazing what he’s achieved, even if I don’t listen to a TON of his work. I usually don’t listen to a lot of pop artists, but I can appreciate the success they’ve achieved and what they do. Not to mention, their talent. And not to mention, just the way that they are as human beings.

I just admire his ability to set goals within himself, believe in himself, and kind of walk into a world of people who maybe had some preconceived ideas and not let anything intimidate him out of what HE knew about HIMSELF to be true. I think there’s a lot a lot a lot of the most incredible things to be learned from the way A LOT of people in rap live their lives, be creative, think outside of the box, try new things, and support themselves.

I woke up this morning with one of my all-time favorite lines in my head, from someone who has achieved SO much and who’s come from absolutely nothing: Jay Z.

“Dream big; be unrealistic.”

I love that line so much.

That is the best life advice I have ever, ever heard.

And it’s people like him and others, who I’ll get to later, that for me, make the world go ’round because I think that in this life, the ONE THING that’s the absolute COOLEST thing that you can do, is just make something up, focus on that dream, and let it become true.

No matter how impossible it may seem to anyone else, nobody else knows your dreams and nobody else leads your life for you, so don’t let their doubt every sway you away from what you know.

 

 

Sometimes Something So Cool Comes Along

And it kind of humbles you as a human being, and here are two of those things. Actually, I’ll post them separately.

But this first thing I saw earlier today and like, I’m kind of emo over it and it kind of totally blows my mind. How do people draw like that, I will never know. Not to mention, how do people REPEATEDLY draw the same thing, with some kind of inherent cohesion? Plus, on her site, is the first chapter and this thing looks legitimately good and it kind of makes me want to cry because it’s just… I never even think of myself as a “fan” of anyone or like, I just like what I like, and I don’t know a lot of her music but I like what I’ve heard and mostly I just have an appreciation for her dedication to being herself that it seems she has, and her passion for kind of like BECOMING her ideals, like she totally became or IS this character and I think the concept is incredibly rad.

I don’t use that term; I think it is hers.

But anyway. I think she and her family are VERY cool and this comic/music thing, just, is one of the most incredibly talented things I have ever seen or heard, and I’m really blown away and anyway. This thing is really cool.

Check out her comic, if you can. I’m planning on (well, I don’t ACTUALLY plan), but I have a feeling I’m going to want to get a hard copy of it when it arrives. From what I’ve seen, it’s actually one of the most READABLE comics out there, too. The art was incredible, and it was very clean, and I was basically understanding it as I went. I think the color helps.

As I said, I’m just absolutely blown away by the level of talent that she has.

Sometimes you just come along one of those things that just really blows you away and for me this is this.

Never Lost

When people die, they’re closer to you than ever.

❤ Super cool guy who I’m personally, going go to be spending the day with.

Beautiful person. Amazingly talented. Never lost.

A diamond is forever… maybe. 🙂 (I’ve never checked.)

But for certain, energy is.

Today is a day for appreciation, like any other day. And when people pass, it’s like laser-beam-focused appreciation on them, and that is a really, really cool thing.

Usually, it takes someone dying for us to really stop and appreciate them as much as we do when they die.

But we don’t have to wait until they’re gone.

You don’t have to wait until the funeral to feel that much love.

Sometimes (when I remember to do it) I imagine the people in my life as dead, because it helps me appreciate them more. (If you try it, it works.)

Love the people in your life a little more today because you never know how long they’re going to be with you in this physical form.

❤ ❤ ❤

All the love, ever.

Thinking of you today, CC!

Thank you for your creativity and love in this world!!!

I have a feeling you’ll be feeling him around you today, like I feel like I do.

Ghosts are never gone. 🙂

Last One Of The Day

I promise. I swear!

This one isn’t even really super new but I heard this and it might be making me go paint SO

LDM

THANK YOU!!!!!!!

You little motherfucker, you know how to write a song.

(And it’s 3 PM and I should probably be feeding my dog breakfast.)

But first let me post this song.

These are why I don’t have kids. ^^^^^[Reasons]

(I went to type that, and I forgot to press shift and it turned up as 666, which is also, basically, true.)

A good song never gets old.

By the way, I don’t think kids need to like, they don’t eat on a schedule either, so I make fun of myself but I’m sure I’d be a fine parent. I don’t eat regular meals a day, and I don’t think kids need to, too.

JUST FOR CLARITY.

I’M SURE IT WOULD BE FINE. AND NOT LIKE THE CACTUS MY FRIEND GAVE ME THAT DIED AFTER A WEEK. I HOPE SHE DOESN’T READ THIS BLOG…

You were invited to the funeral, because I didn’t have one.

I don’t so much have an emotional attachment to kids, but if I did ever have them, I wouldn’t want them to die, solely because ever since I saw Trainspotting, I feel like dead babies are the freaking worst… I’m getting almost a little bit of panic as I write that, and honestly, that movie scarred me for life from ever having a baby that you accidentally go off on a heroin binge and let die…

I learned my lesson through film.

So that would be my main objective is just not to wake up to that.

I genuinely really like kids a lot, it’s just that, it’s kind of like, I enjoy them when they’re in front of me, but theoretically, I can take them or leave them; it’s just like, how I feel about people. It isn’t like, “OH KIDS!”

Sometimes I do cry from feeling emotional over how adorable they are and how like, incredible human beings they are and how funny and how sweet and how pure, but once they’re out of my vision, I’m back to okay.

Like, when people have those “BABY ON BOARD” stickers on their car, and it’s like, what are you trying to say? “OH! Thank god you told me. Because I was GOING to belligerently hit your car, but now that I know there’s a BABY ON BOARD, I most certainly won’t.”

Guess what. I used to be a baby, too. I’m just a 29 year old one. So is everyone else walking the planet. I don’t think people get special treatment because they are young. Not to mention, sometimes people think like tragedies are anything involving children, and don’t get me wrong, I never want anything bad to happen to ANYONE. But like, older people have lives and people who love them, too!

I don’t think your age determines your value to the whole human race, one way or the next.

Actually, I’m being hypocritical. Because I’m a female, actually, every time I have sex, because age is inversely proportionate to how valuable you are, I hang the sign in my car window that says, “Possible fetus on board”. But then I take it down again every time I get my period, because I’m not TRYING to get any special treatment that isn’t completely warranted.

And I put my period in the baby car seat.

Okay I kid. I kid.

(Oh, pun not intended but that was good.)

Sometimes I take things too far.

Even for me.

I don’t know why but I thought that was funny.

Anyway, back to the song.

WE WERE TALKING ABOUT PAINTING, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

Please, be serious. And please, keep to discussion.

Plus, I actually think kids are heartier than plants.

And also.

It’s kind of tricky having a cactus in Upstate New York.

But I really was sad when he died. Like, legitimately. I mean, not sad, but like, I genuinely loved that guy and I felt like he was Blue’s little friend. And also, he wasn’t CREEPY when he died, so, that also endeared him to me in my book.

Someday I’ll get another, when the emotional wound is gone.

Until then… I paint.

See below.

(It’s cactus catharsis.)

No, but in all seriousness, I can’t have a child carseat in my car because my dog thinks it’s for him, and then while he’s riding in it, he also uses it to try to launch himself out of the window, like as a step stool, or a step ladder, when he’s seeing other dogs he wants to play with, and we are part-way or completely stopped.

Which is also how I learned that for the next 77 years of his life (in human), I can PROBABLY never drive a convertible.

The things you do for your children.

Thank You Everyone Who Keeps Following My Blog*

And sending me nice things*. Like that email from Alene. Alene, I don’t know if you’re reading the book or the blog, but thank you. ❤ ❤ ❤

You are going to keep throwing up over this, too. Because after the last song I just showed, you, I HEARD THIS.

I FREAKING LOOOOOOOVE THE KOOKS. I FREAKING LOVE THEM. AND THIS SONG CAME ON AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS BY THEM BUT I AM SO FREAKING INTO IT AND I HAD TO ALSO COME HOME AND SHOW YOU THAT.

AND SOMETHING JUST JUMPED RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF MY KEYBOARD AND I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT IS.

BUT ANYWAY HERE’S THIS

(I ALMOST thought it was the Orwells until the guy started singing. It’s just fucking heaven, you can’t even handle it.) Trust me. You can’t.

 

You Guys Are Going To Throw Up

This song is so good. It almost reminds me a little bit of Grateful Dead, which I never ever say about new music, or at least I’ve never said it. ❤ Heard this for the first time ten minutes ago and came home and had to show you.

<3

Malibu

The last half of this song– namely… the last 1:25 of the song will make you feel like you have to inject it into your veins.

MILEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Okay more specifically last 50 seconds.)

In Maaaaaaaaaaliboo.

 

Part Four (FINAL ONE I SWEAR)

Okay this is the final edition for tonight because I’m only halfway in my flow and I don’t want to subject you to too much sub-par writing, but I also want to get this down and I’m not going to do it in my usual fashion because it’s midnight thirty and somehow I’ve basically been sitting in front of this thing for four hours, which, is actually awesome because I’ve totally been in the flow and I really freaking love it. Anyway there’s some other kind of writing I want to do after this that isn’t for the blog but I do want to say what I’m going to say now before I sign off for the night/day/whathaveyou.

So. The point being… Oh yeah, about everyone and everything being spiritual. So, I didn’t read a lot of my stuff from the last several years of writing but I read a little bit and some of it I still totally agree with, and a lot of things, I’ve changed. My understanding has shifted in totally new ways and at the same time, the underlying understanding has, ultimately, been the same.

I totally forgot what I was going to be writing about in this post. Hold on. (This what I mean about not being in the flow. Not that I mind writing at all, but when I’m really super in it, I never have to stop and think about writing or what I was going to talk about or say.)

I guess it’s like, have you ever done something, and looked back on it, and been like, “Wow. I totally knew what I was doing.” Have you ever had that feeling where, like, YOU inspired YOURSELF?

Because I have to admit that I have that feeling a lot of the time. Sometimes it feels like I knew MORE things in the past, in some ways. And that runs contrary to what… to what I WANT to believe to be true, because I believe that every day has the potential to be THE best day of your life. And I can honestly say for me, most days, I find a way of finding that to be true. Even if nothing outside of the ordinary APPEARED to happen, basically, every single day, I am further knowing myself, and further growing, and the things that really matter to me, in terms of knowing and understanding myself, no matter what appears to happen externally, that growth is happening and I can see it.

I often feel that I am challenging my own ideas and beliefs so radically within any given day (my idea and perception of time has changed a lot, too, to where, I don’t really even think so much of it anymore and I can’t really quantify it within my own experience and I’m not trying to sound loop-de-loop or philosophical at all; it’s just time has drastically changed for me). And my favorite thing in the world is when I have a thought I’ve never thought before. That is just absolutely incredible. And to see the way I’ve grown within my mind from three years ago or four years ago, to now, is really, fucking, incredibly cool. I am in some ways, the same person, and in some ways, a lot different, but the core of me is definitely still the same.

(And yet different). 😉

So when I was looking back over that writing, I felt inspired by myself. Looking back over my life, every single time I have ever let myself go for what I wanted, I am inspired by myself. There are a handful of days (or more) I can tell you, that I can recall, that are my absolutely MOST magical days and every single one of those days that stand out to me the most in my life are the ones where I was so happy and so light and so believing in myself, and I let myself have what it is I most want. One of them is the day I got my dog. (To be fair, my sister drugged me in order for me to somehow allow that whole thing into place but, I technically set the ball rolling BEFORE I got drugged so. It still counts.)

But all of the greatest days of my life, the ones that have played out so perfectly like in a film, except I couldn’t have orchestrated them, even if I tried, all of those days have been weirdly 1.) Me just going with the flow and 2.) On some level, me believing in myself and believing in the value of me having what I want, and letting myself go there. Expecting for myself, things to be good.

When I look back over my life, those are my all-time favorite moments, and those are the moments of which I’m the most proud, and they would never register for any kind of outside accolade, but I can honestly, truly say, they mean more to me than any kind of external validation or prize that anyone else could give because they were like direct validation and prize from my higher self, if you want to call it that, to me.

And I guess, without me even meaning to, that’s kind of what I was saying before. Something I have learned which is really, really cool, is that what we want matters, and that our preferences are real, and that we are living in this life to be being ourselves and part of being ourselves ends up being that the things that we want, and the things that are true to our hearts, just come. And all of the best things in my life, have always come to me without my trying at all. All of the best things in my life have been like happy accidents and even if they were things that I specifically SAID that I wanted, the timing and the way wasn’t my work. The timing and the way, was orchestrated by means way outside of my control. But the point I’m wanting most poignantly to say is this.

Something I’ve learned that is maybe my favorite thing I have ever learned, and I don’t know if I was really knowing it when I first started writing this thing (but of course on some level I did) is this: [everything I said above and] the fact that when you know what you want, and you trust and relax, and you let things take their course, and you just have fun and do the best you can, and be the best version of yourself and the truest version of yourself you can be, it lines you up to be in the right place at the right time. And for all the saying that, “Having things doesn’t matter”– it doesn’t– and it doesn’t make you happy– but I have NEVER in my life, EVER, EVER, EVER, felt closer to “god” or whatever you want to call it, then those times where I’ve known what I wanted, maybe years before, maybe weeks, maybe days, maybe hours, but I’ve known on some level, what I’ve wanted, and I’ve found, literally, magical forces coming together, to somehow, beyond my wildest dreams, deliver me those things that no one else in the world had any way of knowing, except for some kind of higher power who had to have known me.

So, for all the talk of “materiality” versus “spirituality”, I say to you, it isn’t true. Because the way that I’ve known “god” or again, I just use that word cause I’m a sucker for one syllable but how I’ve come to know the power of the universe and the goodness of that thing, is when I’ve had a dream, and with a power beyond my imagination, things have culminated in ways that have shown me that there is a higher thing at play, and that what I want, matters, and that I’m valued and I’m loved by means beyond compare. And I don’t mean to be cheesy, but that’s the way you feel when things happen when you’re like “Holy fucking shit; I didn’t even tell anybody I wanted that, and how is this person here and what the actual fuck?”

There’s so many times in my life where I couldn’t explain the series of events and THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD is someone who isn’t even in the world, it has to be some sort of dead family member or Jesus or something who I’m talking to, and I’m like, “You little fucker!” Because the sense of humor is immense when things line up and you’re just like, looking around, like, “You’ve got to be kidding me.” When shit is that good and you’re like, literally speechless.

That is life. For me, the higher power of the universe speaks to us through materials and people and circumstances and things. And that’s how it shows us when we are in alignment. I guess the other thing that I was going to say is that, thank you for reading this. It means the world to me. I would still be writing probably if no one was reading (anyone who texts with me can attest to that). I’ve played for crickets many a time. But it does mean a lot to me that there is anyone out there, because it makes it that much more fun. And so many times I’ve said, that, I can go off, as long as there’s a person there. Sometimes it’s when I imagine a lack of an audience that it’s hard for me to want to write, and it’s like, well, I’ll just say it to myself. Which… I do. And it’s fun. But it’s even more fun to have real, live, somehow, people, behind the screen, so thank you, that’s pretty freaking cool.

Also I feel sometimes like creativity is contagious like. I don’t know if you ever feel this way but, I’m not musical at all, which is why I fucking love music. (I don’t really like to read that much, ironically). I love music so incredibly much. And anyone who has lived with me has had the immense pleasure of knowing that I tend to listen to one song day in and day out, only that one song, until I’ve killed it and it’s dead.

Catfish And the Bottlemen- “7”, if it were on a cassette tape, would have been basically blurred out by now. That DID actually happen to me with my radio recording of MMMBop back in like ’97 era.

By the way, when I saw Catfish a couple of weeks ago play that song live, I’m not kidding you– well, I won’t even get into that. That’s another story for how things always line up, in a myriad of ways.

By the way, I saw Larry.

“Larry who?”

“Larry-call-a-load-of-smoke-in-Larry!!!!!!!!”

“Okay, I still don’t know who he is, but cool.”

If you haven’t seen them play that live, you haven’t lived. My only regret of that show was that it wasn’t outside because you can jump higher on grass than concrete and also I needed space to avoid hitting people within a ten foot diameter.

But I DID see Larry.

(Larry, I saw you.)

I want to show you a picture of Larry but you’ll just have to google him yourself.

He calls loads of smoke in for a living.

ALRIGHT. Enough of the inside jokes with myself. (Sorry about that.) I mean, I’m actually not because there’s a backspace button I could have clearly used.

Alrighty. I think we’re about finished here.

Larry.

Just google it. Just google Catfish And the Bottlemen “7” live. Any live version will do. The one in which she faxes him, is probably the best, but any one will do.

Also I will tell you probably the most surprising thing of the show for me.

Besides the fact that I didn’t wash my hands when I peed (which WAS surprising because my rule is always wash your hands in a public bathroom, but I’ll explain later.)

Was the fact that when they came on stage (and this is always my thing: I think that half of the excitement of a live show is just the fact that you’re seeing these people in real life, whom you’ve only ever seen being like half an inch tall on your screen, and it’s this really weird phenomena where you know them, but you don’t, and you’ve never even seen them bodily in person, but you know them, but you don’t, and then you FINALLY see them real-life and in person, and it’s really freaking weird, like some surreal, other-realmy experience. ANYWAY. MY POINT BEING.) when they came out on stage I was actually really kind of blown away by the fact that Van, I always resonated with because he acted like me and in interviews he gave a lot of answers I agreed with or would have said myself and yada yada. Some days I’d see an interview with him and want to scream at the screen, “VAN MCCANN STOP STEALING MY ANSWERS.” Or he’d say thing’s I’d already said, verbatim.

So I was really into Van. I felt like I really knew him already. But I have to say, when they came out on stage, I was really into Bondy! And Bondy is so great, I mean, in all of the interviews, and on stage, Bondy halfway MAKES the band. But at the same time, he never SAYS A GODDAMN THING. Which is why he’s so charming. But it was so weird, when they were out on stage, for some reason, if I felt like a ‘friend bond’ with either/or I might have had to choose Bondy! Like, if you felt like if you were in a room, who would you have gone and talked to or who would you have ended up talking to? I kind of felt that way the MOST with Bondy.

But then again, who knows. I’ve always loved Van and I’m sure we’ll all be friends someday but either way. EITHER WAY, you gotta love Larry.

Larry calls loads of smoke in for a career.

 

 

LightSHOW!!!!!